The much anticipated sequel (or prequel perhaps…?) to my Parenting post! (Click here to read!)
Nothing sets the stage for a lifetime of parental failure quite like the joy (and accompanying judgment) of pregnancy. I had F I V E pregnancies in the space of 6.5 years and let me tell you, I have heard it allll. Especially when I was pushing a cart with several children loaded into it and my belly looked like it was ready to burst (which it probably was tbh).
Let’s start at the beginning:
Conception
Tiny in utero Desmond.
Ooh you’re trying to get pregnant?? Here is a dump truck load of unsolicited advice on how to go about doing so.
– Every human, ever
Positions, timing, frequency, charting, uterine health, prenatal vitamins, research, etc etc etc… If you are foolish enough to share with family and friends that you are trying to conceive, be prepared for an avalanche of advice/opinions/personal anecdotes (did someone say TMI?) Heaven help you if you struggle with any form of infertility or medical issues that complicate or delay conception. Did you know that chewing cucumber peels while the sun rises will help your womb to be more inviting? (I made that up, don’t try that). You get the picture. The longer you take to conceive, the worse it gets.
We have been lucky #blessed enough to get pregnant without much delay, however I know many couples who have gone through years of trying and even various forms of fertility treatments and/or miscarriages before finally bringing their precious bundles home – and some are still waiting. It is such a personal and emotional process, yet society feels it is acceptable to spout regurgitated advice/tips/tricks ad nauseam. Or perhaps worse: to ask the couple when they are going to start a family. Clinton and I skipped the drama and kept our baby making decision to ourselves, which made for an amazing pregnancy reveal when we announced that Desmond was on the way!
Which brings us to…
Announcing
Corban’s announcement via pee stick.
So you’re growing a tiny human? Congratulations! Was it planned?
– Nosey McNoserson
Now that you’ve let your preggo flag fly, prepare for a barrage of questions about how/when/why you conceived and how many more you want, wether you are hoping for a GIRL or a BOY and
HAHA SLEEP NOW WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE! L-O-L GET READY TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE LIFE YOU KNOW AND LOVE YOU POOR SAP!
Sorry, did that come on too strong? People loooove to rub your nose in first time parenthood. When I was pregnant with Desmond I got the ‘You’ll never sleep again!’ comment so many times that I thought I was going to cut someone. Of course you’ll sleep again (Just maybe not for several months… but I digress.) So many comments, so little time. A pregnancy announcement is an open invitation to humanity for advice and uncomfortable questions. I personally love the ‘Was it planned?’ query. This is always asked by someone who does NOT know you well enough to be asking about your sex life/contraceptive choices.
Of course as time goes on and you have more children, the general reaction quiets to a dull roar. And eventually people will just start saying “wow, so you’re done now, right??”
Weight gain
A few hours before Corban was born. He was my biggest baby and I ‘blossomed’ the most during that pregnancy.
You’re only __ months along? Wow you’re so big!
– Someone with a death wish
People love, and I mean loooove to analyze a pregnant woman’s body. If you thought body shaming was a problem before, look out – because you now have the added layer of guilt for harming your unborn baby by gaining too little or too much weight! Gain too much and your baby will have diabetes. Gain too little and you’re starving them of basic nutrients. It’s a win win! This is also something pregnant moms like to discuss/obsess over. Visit any pregnancy forum online and you’ll find COUNTLESS threads related to weight gain. These always start off innocently enough with a post that looks something like this:
1sttimemommy writes:
Hey all! I was wondering how much everyone has gained so far? I am 13 weeks and have only gained 4.5lbs. Idk if that’s normal and just want to see how everyone else is doing?
This is followed by 6,547 comments.
motherofsunshine writes:
Have you talked to your doctor? Because mine told me I should be gaining 1lb per week, so IMO you are way below normal and I am concerned for your baby. I am 15 weeks and have gained exactly 15lbs. My doctor actually gave me a gold star at my last appointment (I’ve included a photo below).
tigerwarriorprincess writes:
I’m 14 weeks and have gained 30lbs already, but my doctor doesn’t seem worried.
raisingmytribe writes:
I’m 18 weeks and have actually LOST 10lbs.
lovemybabies writes:
4.5lbs seems like a lot tbh. My doctor told me I shouldn’t gain any in the first trimester. Are you sure you aren’t taking the ‘eating for two’ thing too literally? After all, one of those two is only the size of a grape at this point.
livingmybestlife writes:
Don’t sweat it girl! I gained 85lbs during my last pregnancy and my baby came out at a healthy 12.7lbs. Your body knows what it’s doing! Have another brownie. Xx
And it goes on from there. I have had a variety of fit and not-so-fit pregnancies and ultimately it still comes down to losing those last few pounds, regardless of how many calories I counted. If you doctor is happy, don’t sweat it. I enjoyed my pregnancies more when I wasn’t looking at the scale every week, that’s for surrrrre.
Diet
Suck it, Starbucks.
Are you sure you don’t want that decaf…? *pointed look at my stomach*
– Overly invested barista
There are a handful of foods you are supposed to avoid while pregnant. There are also a plethora of uninformed people who have no idea what these foods actually are. I can’t even count the number of times I have been asked ‘Are you sure you want ____?’ in reference to a (completely safe) food choice I have made while pregnant. Some of that has to do with changing guidelines for pregnancy over the years and some of it is just plain ignorance. Do your own research before accepting at face value that you can’t have caffeine or sushi for 9+ months. Also, food aversions are REAL and sometimes you just won’t be able to choke down veggies and need to fill up on bacon. It’s ok. You can resume your regular diet once that tiny dictator exits your belly.
Exercise
Athleisure chic.
Buckle up for a rollercoaster of conflicting advice on how you should be exercising while pregnant. Now you can’t be too fit, or people will give you the side eye about having abs in your 3rd trimester. But! Don’t be a sloth either, or you’ll get disapproving looks from people who are concerned about your lack of activity. Society loves to put an emphasis on that pregnancy ‘glow’ and tells you to indulge your cravings, but at the same time tells you to stay fit and not gain too much weight. It’s mental. Again, if you have Qs about exercise limitations, ask your OB – NOT Dr. Google. I put more of an emphasis on exercise in my later pregnancies because I was exhausted from parenting other tiny children and needed the extra energy, which definitely helped with my strength and endurance. But I also tried to cut myself some slack and just lie on the couch when I needed to. It’s allll about balance.
Delivery
Eve Hope!
If you thought the pregnancy judgment was bad – just you wait for delivery! People love to ask you about your childbirth plan and pump you for information on pain relief, breathing techniques and positioning. And by people I mean total strangers. Better yet, every mother you know will give you an immediate run down of every one of her deliveries – good AND bad (I am so guilty of this – sorry everyone). So get ready to hear all about breech babies, emergency c sections and tearing. So much tearing…
Now if you decide to go with an epidural, some folks will try to talk you out of it by relating their unicorn birth experience to you (again, guiltyyyy). Or worse yet, try to shame you for choosing comfort over your baby’s health (cringeyyyyyy). But if you decide to go au naturel, they will look at you like you are nutso. ‘Oh that’s just crazy. I had the epidural at 3cm and slept through the rest of the delivery’ etc etc. And of course if you end up with a c section (elected or otherwise) that’s a whole other can of worms. I’ve never had a c section, so I can’t speak to this personally, but I do know many women who have had them and experienced the ‘friendly criticism’ firsthand.
Whatever your decision, be confident and don’t let other people scare you one way or the other. Every delivery – and every mother – is unique.
8, 6, 1, 5, 3
At the end of the day, we all experience pregnancy differently. The next time you see a pregnant mama, save the commentary and be encouraging. Children are a beautiful, exhausting blessing and should be celebrated as such. And if you’re a first time mama-to-be, don’t worry if your journey looks different from anyone else’s – you’re doing just fine. And eventually that baby will come out, even if you feel 35 months pregnant and can’t see your feet. And yes – you will sleep again. Eventually 😉
Enjoy back to school season, friends! I am personally counting down the days to when I will only have 2 children at home for 6+ hours! Cheers!
This Happy Messy Life 